her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
