Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You can't motorboat a personality
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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