i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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