I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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