Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize