Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long

(917): View more from New York City

Thats what she said

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(516): gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long (917): Thats what she said http://tfl.nu/ke6j

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(425): View more from Washington

Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.

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(425): Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility. http://tfl.nu/j5r5

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(917): View more from New York City

Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?

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(917): Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties? http://tfl.nu/8a9h

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(352): View more from Florida

I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex

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(352): I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex http://tfl.nu/73ql

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(607): View more from New York

Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.

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(607): Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later. http://tfl.nu/om4f

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(813): View more from Florida

His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.

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(813): His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up. http://tfl.nu/dgzw

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(419): View more from Ohio

if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight

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(419): if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight http://tfl.nu/1a1e

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.

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(401): No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point. http://tfl.nu/wyuo

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(650): View more from California

I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.

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(650): I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain. http://tfl.nu/vu8q

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates

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(484): scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates http://tfl.nu/oxez

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion

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(617): i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion http://tfl.nu/4vyu

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(519): View more from Ontario

I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub

(1-519): View more from Ontario

I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.

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(519): I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub (1-519): I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first. http://tfl.nu/l0a0

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(914): View more from New York

They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.

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(914): They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies. http://tfl.nu/g6fw

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(205): View more from Alabama

Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.

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(205): Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation. http://tfl.nu/ln89

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool

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(919): Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool http://tfl.nu/1a3e

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