and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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