I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
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she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
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Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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