How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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