So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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