he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
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you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
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Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
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