She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
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I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
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As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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