if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
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