You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
