So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
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We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
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I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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