I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize