Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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