her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
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If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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