I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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