I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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