and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
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I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We're using joints as your birthday candles
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
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Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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