just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
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I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
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he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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