I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
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Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
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It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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