You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
