I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize