shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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