Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
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when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
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I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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