Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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