k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
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He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
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so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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