I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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