She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
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Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
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Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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