I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
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I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
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Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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