Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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