It's Friday. Sex?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
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You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
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I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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