I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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