ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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