i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
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Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
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I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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