I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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