He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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