Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize