i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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