there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
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Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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