My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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