so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize