you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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