The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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