doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
