if you like me you must not know who I am
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
