Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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