i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize