i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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